im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
