my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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