Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
