every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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