I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize