Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We left the knife in your bed.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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