she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
