I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
