big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
