i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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