She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i am craving dick and cupcakes
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
