I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
