I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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