this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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