I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
