Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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