there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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