I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
