you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
