WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
