The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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