i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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