So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
