need another drink. this is the easiest way
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
