If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
