I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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