If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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