I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
