I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
