1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize
