I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I love you. Go after that dick
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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