The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just high enough for therapy.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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