i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
