Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
