What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
