oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You smell like stripper and shame
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
