Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
