At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
