what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
