Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize