And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
