i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize