shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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