I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
