I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize