thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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