I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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