Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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