Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
