I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
where am i from again
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
