I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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