So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
