The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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