I think my fart just growled at me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
How's work?
Spinning.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize