So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
