I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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