We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
