what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
