saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
