I'm eating all of the evidence.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
