I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
