I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Someone came in the potted fern
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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