I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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