I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
