my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
