Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
