yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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